Chang of plans

So my weekend went well. i have a huge chemistry test to study for and i am lucky because the GO india meeting got moved till tomorrow. all good news. Bad news, i got a 56 on my chem lab quiz! but i got a 92 on the actual lab! so that sort of evens out... except not really. Over all it has been a good weekend.
i have had so  much less stuff stressing me out recently in the past 3 days! it is great. but some stuff i still have to deal with. recap of the year, made some good friends, lost some good friends- back to the lone star! had some bad days had a lot of good ones. did some shitty work and a lot of good work! is it all paying off? not yet... but somehow it will, all work leads inevitable to the better. so that no work is ever done in vain. its hug a diabetic day coming up on november 11th so don't forget!

i have actually been feeling sort of pessimistic about my trip to india recently because we read these blogs as a group and one of the long term volunteers basically pointed out that the 2 week volunteers are more like tourists than anything. that they show up and talk about how things here should change and need to improve, as if someone so much better and well connected than them has not already tried that! She said that we are like tourists, just stopping by for a still photo to put in our memory books to socialize about later in our comfy homes with central air and food galore!

i can't get the venom of her words out of my head... what is my intention on going over there. it always was to be with these people during this point in their lives (what ever "this point" means or is). Am i a bad person if this trip actually benefits me more than it does them? because i am not sure anymore who this trip is truly for. i want to go there for years, to give my life to others for their betterment.... but if i am happy doing that am i really helping anyone but myself? why is it that no matter what humans do our actions can always be looked as  selfish. Thanks Nicole, these are really important questions for me to be thinking of, you always know how to challenge my perspective and i appreciate that.

folks, i didn't promise that this blog would always be cheery. So sorry if you were looking for inspiration, sometimes you can only find inspiration when all hope has run dry, and then purpose bursts into your uncharted life. I can only hope that this happens to me.

Hope: i gain direction
Fear: my doctors appointment this wednesday

high: Travis, Alex and Henry's tri-birthday/night celebration.  crazy fun night
low: chem quiz return