i have gotten some verbal complaints about my lack of posts. Sorry guys hectic week! It is nice to know that someone is reading my blog. It was a busy weekend. i had a lot of fun i went to see a movie in manhattan The social network it was great!
This week my monday go! meeting was canceled :( but rescheduled for a different day :) I have been texting people on the GO! trip and i am really sad that some of them are seniors! because these kids are so COOL. Laid back yet active nothing seems like a challenge to them. i find myself in constant awe at how easily they speak their minds and suggest helpful hints about life. NOT TO MENTION how wonderfully they handle situations! I handled a little situation of my own today, our GO! team never received approval for a bake sale, but we had a donation coming in so i went and picked it up and stored it! 100 bagels and 50 muffins is not easy to store... or transport! plus 4 vats of hot coco! it was an adventure.
Lately i have been feeling much more optimistic about my trip. what i do there makes a difference. if there were nobody there running the day to day grunt work than the greater mission could not be carried out. so i matter, and i am helping the lives of people.... what i need to not get as hung up on is the part of them remembering me, as long as i remember them that is what remains the most important thing, because everyone deserves to be remembered.
I have identified this as a major character flaw of my own. i need to be remembered... that just doesn't happen. do you know who J. Pierpont Morgan is? he founded the NY Botanical garden! f pretty big thing to fund and build.... but nobody remembers him.... so why is it such a high goal of mine for recognition? i am not sure.. but i will work on that.
Low: not posting
high: movie in the city and botanical gardens ;)
hopes: i pass all my classes this semester
fears: my A1c has risen
advice: remember that you are no better or worst than the person sitting next to you; just different.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Chang of plans
So my weekend went well. i have a huge chemistry test to study for and i am lucky because the GO india meeting got moved till tomorrow. all good news. Bad news, i got a 56 on my chem lab quiz! but i got a 92 on the actual lab! so that sort of evens out... except not really. Over all it has been a good weekend.
i have had so much less stuff stressing me out recently in the past 3 days! it is great. but some stuff i still have to deal with. recap of the year, made some good friends, lost some good friends- back to the lone star! had some bad days had a lot of good ones. did some shitty work and a lot of good work! is it all paying off? not yet... but somehow it will, all work leads inevitable to the better. so that no work is ever done in vain. its hug a diabetic day coming up on november 11th so don't forget!
i have actually been feeling sort of pessimistic about my trip to india recently because we read these blogs as a group and one of the long term volunteers basically pointed out that the 2 week volunteers are more like tourists than anything. that they show up and talk about how things here should change and need to improve, as if someone so much better and well connected than them has not already tried that! She said that we are like tourists, just stopping by for a still photo to put in our memory books to socialize about later in our comfy homes with central air and food galore!
i can't get the venom of her words out of my head... what is my intention on going over there. it always was to be with these people during this point in their lives (what ever "this point" means or is). Am i a bad person if this trip actually benefits me more than it does them? because i am not sure anymore who this trip is truly for. i want to go there for years, to give my life to others for their betterment.... but if i am happy doing that am i really helping anyone but myself? why is it that no matter what humans do our actions can always be looked as selfish. Thanks Nicole, these are really important questions for me to be thinking of, you always know how to challenge my perspective and i appreciate that.
folks, i didn't promise that this blog would always be cheery. So sorry if you were looking for inspiration, sometimes you can only find inspiration when all hope has run dry, and then purpose bursts into your uncharted life. I can only hope that this happens to me.
Hope: i gain direction
Fear: my doctors appointment this wednesday
high: Travis, Alex and Henry's tri-birthday/night celebration. crazy fun night
low: chem quiz return
i have had so much less stuff stressing me out recently in the past 3 days! it is great. but some stuff i still have to deal with. recap of the year, made some good friends, lost some good friends- back to the lone star! had some bad days had a lot of good ones. did some shitty work and a lot of good work! is it all paying off? not yet... but somehow it will, all work leads inevitable to the better. so that no work is ever done in vain. its hug a diabetic day coming up on november 11th so don't forget!
i have actually been feeling sort of pessimistic about my trip to india recently because we read these blogs as a group and one of the long term volunteers basically pointed out that the 2 week volunteers are more like tourists than anything. that they show up and talk about how things here should change and need to improve, as if someone so much better and well connected than them has not already tried that! She said that we are like tourists, just stopping by for a still photo to put in our memory books to socialize about later in our comfy homes with central air and food galore!
i can't get the venom of her words out of my head... what is my intention on going over there. it always was to be with these people during this point in their lives (what ever "this point" means or is). Am i a bad person if this trip actually benefits me more than it does them? because i am not sure anymore who this trip is truly for. i want to go there for years, to give my life to others for their betterment.... but if i am happy doing that am i really helping anyone but myself? why is it that no matter what humans do our actions can always be looked as selfish. Thanks Nicole, these are really important questions for me to be thinking of, you always know how to challenge my perspective and i appreciate that.
folks, i didn't promise that this blog would always be cheery. So sorry if you were looking for inspiration, sometimes you can only find inspiration when all hope has run dry, and then purpose bursts into your uncharted life. I can only hope that this happens to me.
Hope: i gain direction
Fear: my doctors appointment this wednesday
high: Travis, Alex and Henry's tri-birthday/night celebration. crazy fun night
low: chem quiz return
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Bake Sale
We had another successful bake sale tonight! thanks for the support this fundraising really helps us out.
I am on day 5 of my anti-biotic and feeling much healthier! but i have an appointment with a pulmonologist for next wednesday... so we will see what he has to say!
as you may or may not know Monday is the day that we have our group GO! meetings and its what gets me through the week! the people on my team are so smart, interesting and opinionated! I love talking to them, sometimes i think about what they said for the whole week after the meeting. Reflection is my favorite time of the meetings, but lately i wish we would change up the setting. Just to give you the run through first we turn off the overhead light, then we light a candle and then we reflect on something for example a quote or an experience and once we have had a long enough silence someone awkwardly breaks it and says how they are feeling or what they think about the quote or their experience.... i love what we talk about but between every person there is a long long pause and it makes me upset because these things shouldn't have to be discussed in the dark with the lights off and ambiance lighting. These things should be able to be discussed in full light, everyday all the time. People should share how things affect them and talk about the issues in the world around them.
This weekend we had an Oscar Romero quote "Peace is not the product of terror or fear. Peace is not the silence of cemeteries. Peace is not the silent result of violent repression. Peace is the generous, tranquil contribution of all to the good of all. Peace is dynamism. Peace is generosity. It is right and it is duty." we were asked to reflect. Many people in the group were very angry about this quote. I liked that he clarifies that peace is not found in the silent cemeteries and the silence of the people does not correlate to the Peace of their minds! Peace is a state of mind. Peace is a gift that can be taken or given. In our actions everyday. When i think about myself as a person stripped bare a person only has their smile, their knowledge and their time to give away. so if i am stingy with the only things that are truly mine, how can i say that i am working towards peace? The only things which i can offer to someone that is from me to them on more than a physical level which affirms humanity, sometimes i keep to myself, why don't i share them more? i need to work on that. Do you share enough of the only thing you have with others?
i also like how he calls peace a DUTY! because it really is not a choice... but how do we achieve our duty to it?
Hopes: My team made a lot of money at our fundraiser
Fears: nobody will respond to my fundraising letter!
High: understanding my chem lecture
Low: getting a C+ on english midterm :(
advice: smile at someone you don't know today.
I am on day 5 of my anti-biotic and feeling much healthier! but i have an appointment with a pulmonologist for next wednesday... so we will see what he has to say!
as you may or may not know Monday is the day that we have our group GO! meetings and its what gets me through the week! the people on my team are so smart, interesting and opinionated! I love talking to them, sometimes i think about what they said for the whole week after the meeting. Reflection is my favorite time of the meetings, but lately i wish we would change up the setting. Just to give you the run through first we turn off the overhead light, then we light a candle and then we reflect on something for example a quote or an experience and once we have had a long enough silence someone awkwardly breaks it and says how they are feeling or what they think about the quote or their experience.... i love what we talk about but between every person there is a long long pause and it makes me upset because these things shouldn't have to be discussed in the dark with the lights off and ambiance lighting. These things should be able to be discussed in full light, everyday all the time. People should share how things affect them and talk about the issues in the world around them.
This weekend we had an Oscar Romero quote "Peace is not the product of terror or fear. Peace is not the silence of cemeteries. Peace is not the silent result of violent repression. Peace is the generous, tranquil contribution of all to the good of all. Peace is dynamism. Peace is generosity. It is right and it is duty." we were asked to reflect. Many people in the group were very angry about this quote. I liked that he clarifies that peace is not found in the silent cemeteries and the silence of the people does not correlate to the Peace of their minds! Peace is a state of mind. Peace is a gift that can be taken or given. In our actions everyday. When i think about myself as a person stripped bare a person only has their smile, their knowledge and their time to give away. so if i am stingy with the only things that are truly mine, how can i say that i am working towards peace? The only things which i can offer to someone that is from me to them on more than a physical level which affirms humanity, sometimes i keep to myself, why don't i share them more? i need to work on that. Do you share enough of the only thing you have with others?
i also like how he calls peace a DUTY! because it really is not a choice... but how do we achieve our duty to it?
Hopes: My team made a lot of money at our fundraiser
Fears: nobody will respond to my fundraising letter!
High: understanding my chem lecture
Low: getting a C+ on english midterm :(
advice: smile at someone you don't know today.
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